Power in D/s Relationships

I was reading this discussion on FetLife:


I read with interest, although I will admit that I didn’t necessarily read with attention to each detailed point being made. My brain was already onto thinking about my experiences, and wanting to write about them.


So, the premise of the OP (original post) is that in scenes or relationships, if person A wants to be spanked, and person B wants to spank, then there is no power exchanged.

I’ll agree.

However, that is simplistic.

For example, in my relationship, there is more than a spanking.

Pet wants to be spanked. It’s a thing for him.

He does not ALWAYS want to be spanked. He does not necessarily want to be spanked that hard or for punishment right now.

And yet, he consents to that, because it is a part of our dynamic.

You may not call that my power. I’m cool with that. But in the case of this discussion, it is.

Another example: Early in our relationship, I asked Pet to try something with me, a set of cock exercises. He was skeptical. However, because he felt our relationship was worth it, he did them.

To me, that is power.

I got what I wanted, despite his skepticism.

And, when the effects really began to pay off, I got even more power, because I will get what I want more often, because he has been positively rewarded.

Now, some people MAY give this sort of thing up for a scene. Sure.

I see it far more often in longer-term relationships, as the balance of power goes from “Sure, I’ll do that thing I like doing when D-type tells me,” to “I’ll do what D-type tells me, even when I don’t want, and I won’t whine, because D-type has shown me that it works out well for me (or badly for me when I don’t).”

Of course, I don’t always see that in long-term relationships, either.

Trust is a component of power in many relationships, and it sometimes never built, and therefore power is never really shifted.

And that’s OK.

However, I do love my power. *smiles*