Story of R: Day 4

Mentoring_r

I haven’t been able to get my partner to do the 5languages test, but I think that we will be able to do that over the weekend, Madam. I hope that’s not an issue.

Mentoring_msnn
Not at all.

Like I said, it was not a priority for last night.

Mentoring_r
As for examples of being arrogant, I can quote the today’s example when I took my partner’s car from a shop and she said that I paid too much for such a trivial job. She wasn’t aware of the entire scope of repairs but instead of explaining it patiently I kind of jumped and said something to the extent “if you hadn’t broken it I wouldn’t have had to pay this much…”….. Of course I felt bad after this..

Mentoring_msnn

*nods*

How did she react?

Mentoring_r

She got angry with me at first.

Mentoring_msnn

And how did you resolve it?

Mentoring_r

I explained the scope of repairs in detail and she then agreed with me about the final price. But the thing is that I very often react like this and regret it later on

Mentoring_msnn

May I ask what it is you think you are reacting to?

Mentoring_r

I think it’s unfair accusations. When I really put my effort to please … but to no avail

Mentoring_msnn

So, you are reacting to a perceived inadequacy.

Mentoring_r

yes, that’s it

Mentoring_msnn

Ok. You were to come up with three examples. Do you have two more?

Mentoring_r

E.g. when going to a cinema, she wants to see a movie I usually don’t like, so I don’t want to go. She then gets angry at me… I know she will be angry but instead of going I prefer to stay home. I know it sounds trivial πŸ™‚

Mentoring_msnn

Why would you rather stay home than do something that makes her happy?

Mentoring_r

I just can’t force myself to go

Mentoring_msnn

So, you look at it as a chore.

Mentoring_r

in a way, yes

Mentoring_msnn

And yet, you do other chores for her.

Mentoring_r

well, yes again

Mentoring_msnn

So, is your submission only when it is convenient for you? Or “sexy,” like you see in online photos and videos?

Mentoring_r

no, I don’t think that’s really it. I do lots of things which are not sexy or convenient but have to be done. There are just some things I don’t want to do. She knows it but pushes it nevertheless.

Mentoring_msnn

Why do you think she pushes it?

Mentoring_r

She wants me by her side.

Mentoring_msnn

And why is your dislike of a movie more important than being by her side when she wants you?

Mentoring_r

The problem here is that mentally I’m fully familiar with the mechanics of the situation and motifs behind it. I just can’t force myself – it’s this stubborness in me and lack of humility.

Mentoring_msnn

So, you are saying you are not in control of yourself?

Mentoring_r

the fun way to put it would be to say that I have this little stubborn troll inside me that I need to fight πŸ™‚

Mentoring_msnn

It’s not fun for her.

Mentoring_r

Robo Slavedog: oh, it’s not fun for me, either

Mentoring_msnn

So, let’s not try to make it fun.

Mentoring_r

ok, sorry

Mentoring_msnn

So, give me a third example.

Mentoring_r

Sometimes she makes fun of me in a lighthearted, malcious way. Instead of laughing at it or accepting it I strike back with biting remarks. Which makes her angry.

Mentoring_msnn

Ok.

Why do you think she makes fun of you?

Mentoring_r

she has those moods

I called it her sadistic streak

Mentoring_msnn

What do you think starts those moods off?

Mentoring_r

I can’t fathom

Mentoring_msnn

Have you ever made fun of someone?

Mentoring_r

sure, who hasn’t

Mentoring_msnn

Why did you make fun of people?

Mentoring_r

I think we need to differentiate between an excersise in witty “word fighting” and intending to hurt someone by being malicious

Mentoring_msnn

Which do you think she is doing?

Mentoring_r

sometimes, the latter

Mentoring_msnn

And so, when you have been mean, and you have tried to hurt someone, why did you do it?

Mentoring_r

when retaliating

Mentoring_msnn

And why are you retaliating?

Mentoring_r

A natural response to an attack

Mentoring_msnn

If you are attacked, how do you feel?

Mentoring_r

I’m angry

Mentoring_msnn

Why?

Mentoring_r

Usually I’m angry when I feel that the attack was unsubstantiated and unjust.

Mentoring_msnn

So? Lots of things in the world are not fair. Why does an attack make you angry?

Mentoring_r

Because it comes from a person whom I value and who should know better

Mentoring_msnn

Should know better than to what?

Mentoring_r

that punishing someone should be based on merit and justice

Mentoring_msnn

An attack is not a punishment. You’re using two words for the same thing, but they mean different things.

Give me an example of something she says during an attack.

Mentoring_r

it’s usually not the words but the attitude and this anger as if something was my fault… when it clearly isn’t

Mentoring_msnn

So, you don’t believe she is giving you the benefit of the doubt?

Mentoring_r

She’s blaming me for something that I’m not responsible for. E.g. she was buying tickets to a theatre play online and she forgot her PIN to the account, she didn’t write it down anywhere, and got immediately angry WITH ME, as if it was my fault.

Mentoring_msnn

So, you are taking her anger personally.

And she is misdirecting it.

Does that sound right?

Mentoring_r

I think you’re right

Mentoring_msnn

Ok.

So, she is lashing out at you when she is angry, frustrated, feels out of control, maybe?

Mentoring_r

It would seem so

Mentoring_msnn

And when you lash out back at her, do you think it makes her feel better? Or solves anything?

Mentoring_r

I know it makes her feel even worse…. after I do it. But my first reaction is to fight back

Mentoring_msnn

So, how do you think you can change your first reaction?

Mentoring_r

I need to apprach with humility and patience. Calm down my emotions

Mentoring_msnn

Ah, but that brings us around to what you have not yet achieved. It’s a catch-22.

We need something more concrete.

Why do you want to be submissive to her?

Mentoring_r

Because I am

usually

Mentoring_msnn

That’s not what I asked.

I asked why you want to be submissive TO HER.

Mentoring_r

She does have these dominant aspects of her personality to which I react instinctively with submission. Also, she is the person I love and want to take care of. I want to make her life easier and more comfortable

Mentoring_msnn

Hmmm.

Your task for today is to come up with at least 10 reasons (20, if you can) that you believe she should lead your relationship.

These should not include the word “I” or refer to you and your wants at all.

Instead, they should focus on her qualities as a leader and lover.

Am I clear?

Mentoring_r

yes, Madam

Thank you for this discussion.

Mentoring_msnn

You are welcome.Β 

Read More

Story of R: Day 3

Mentoring_r

Madam. I have though about the task you gave me. My current areas of control are as follows: I take care of all the bills and finance management, I take care of the cars and all house-related technical matters. It is my job to make sure that all these run smoothly.

It is also my responsibility to vacuum-clean the apartment every week.

What I would like to work on is: cooking andΒ  discipline. I lack in both areas.

Also, I’m not that much of a romantic, so I could certainly use improvement in this area.

I should also work on patience and humility – sometimes I get angry when my partner does something what I consider sloppy or tells me to do sth, which I oppose to at first.

Quite often I react with “instant refusal” and only later on, after rethinking, I agree with my partner and do what she wants. So, that’s basically it.

Mentoring_msnn

Excellent. Thank you for this list.

Could you please tell me in what order you would put these, when organizing for priority?

cooking, discipline, romance, patience, and humility

Mentoring_r

My order would be: humility, discipline, patience, romance and cooking.

Mentoring_msnn

Ok. So, may I ask why you would like to be more romantic?

Mentoring_r

because I’m very down to earth practical in every day life. I don’t give flowers… frequently, or surprise my partner with a romantic dinner. I’m not very spontaneous in this area

Mentoring_msnn

What benefits do you see to becoming more romantic?

Mentoring_r

The benefits would be that my partner would feel more appreciated as a woman and thus I would feel better because I’d know that I catered to her needs more.

Mentoring_msnn

Excellent answer.

Have you ever done the 5 love languages with your partner?

http://5lovelanguages.com

Mentoring_r

no, Madam, I haven’t

Mentoring_msnn

Is that something you think she may be open to, if you present it to her as a fun project for the two of you?

It takes about 10-15 minutes.

Mentoring_r

Well, I don’t she would object to it. She is open to various psychological methods and “tricks”

thank you for the link – I will try this

Mentoring_msnn

Ok. I’d like you to do that with her. Tonight, if possible, but this week. That is a task, but not your task for this evening.

*smiles*

Please write down or save both of your results.

Mentoring_r

yes, Madam

Mentoring_msnn

Let’s talk about humility.

What does humility mean to you, when you say you would like to improve upon your humility?

Mentoring_r

That one will be difficult to explain. My partner often says that I am too stubborn and relentless when she proposes some solution or action. I must admit that I often question what she tells me and object to what she proposes. It’s like she says “we’ll do this my way..” and I reply “OK, BUT….”, “I’d rather we do it may way”, etc. Even though I usually feel submissive towards her I get this “stubborn ugly head” that rises out of hiding in certain situations

Mentoring_msnn

Ok. I understand this. My own Pet has had this same issue. LOL!

Mentoring_r

πŸ™‚

Mentoring_msnn

It usually comes from being a success and independent in business and other relationships.

Mentoring_r

but I understand that this shouldn’t be so with a woman I am submissive to?

Mentoring_msnn

Correct.

I’m not saying it’s right.

I’m saying it’s understandable, and that it is common.

Mentoring_r

I guess letting go of control is not easy.

Mentoring_msnn

It is not, and it is. It’s a mental place.

It is simple, but not easy.

*smiles*

Mentoring_r

simple but not easy – I like this πŸ™‚

Mentoring_msnn

For your task this evening, I’d like you to give me three examples of you being prideful.

Tell me what happened, how you reacted, how she reacted, and how it was resolved.

Mentoring_r

I will think about it, Madam. Thank you.

Mentoring_msnn

Thank you.

Read More

Story of R: Day 2

Mentoring_msnn

Did you do your assignment?

Mentoring_r

not yet, Madam. I haven’t found a blog or writing that would reflect my “dream submission” yet

Mentoring_msnn

It need not be your “dream submission.” It may be something you relate to, something you strongly disagree with, or something you are not quite sure about.

Your dream submission is likely to fluctuate over time, after all.

Mentoring_r

Well, I have a clear image of the target in my mind πŸ™‚

Mentoring_msnn

LOL! Of course.

Mentoring_r

I have found an interview with a FLR couple that I can related to. Though I disagree with certain elements of FLR described therein I support most of the solutions employed by that couple. The link is: http://learningdd.com/blog/flr-domestic-discipline-interview/

Mentoring_msnn

Thank you. I’ll read it in a moment.

Ok. So what do you disagree with most in this article?

Mentoring_r

What I disagree with is the fact that the man is only given a monthly allowance – in my eyes he’s treated like a irresponsible child who cannot be trusted with finances.

Mentoring_msnn

Ok. But, in their FLR, he actually wanted and agreed to that.

What if they are saving for a home? If she manages most of the household finances, how would he know if they were low on cash because of a household issue, when he chose to buy something he wanted on credit? That could throw of their join personal goals.

Mentoring_r

If they both agreed this is the best way for them then I’m totally fine with it. It just wouldn’t work for me, personally. Maybe because I’m the one taking care of the finances, i.e. paying bills, etc. But I do communicate everything to my partner, so she is always aware of the current situation.

I think that communication is key here

Mentoring_msnn

*nods* That’s the key. To choose something that works for both.

What did you like best about their arrangement?

Mentoring_r

I like the clear rules and areas of control. I like the domestic discipline.

Mentoring_msnn

Ok. So let’s discuss clear rules and areas of control.

What do you like about those, in particular?

Mentoring_r

I like the fact that Gary is not viewed as a weak man, but as a strong person with submissive mindset. He is given clear responsibilities and punished when he violates them. His behaviour is evaluated so there is feedback involved. I love the sentence that “Gary is dedicated to making Kathy’s life a the dominant partner as stress-free and happy as possible”

Mentoring_msnn

Ok.

So, your assignment for tomorrow: What areas of control and clear rules do you currently have in place, if any?

What 5 areas would you like to work on for yourself and your lady? Please explain why.

I’d like you to really think about this.

Are my instructions clear?

Mentoring_r

Yes, Madam. It’s clear. Thank you. I will think about this and write my thoughts tomorrow.

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Story of R: Day 1

R and I came to an agreement. I asked a few questions, and we discussed a few non-related things, then I gave him his first daily task.

R is currently in a relationship, and she is mildy and unofficially dominant. R wants to learn to grow in his submission and service to her, while controlling his impatience and anger.

He is not interested in forcing domination on her, so much as giving her the best submission he can.

Mentoring_msnn

For tomorrow, I’d like you to find a blog or writing online that you feel relates to how you would like to feel or do feel in your submission.

We will discuss it.

Mentoring_r

R: yes, Madam. Thank you.

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