In my prompt, I said that to me trust is both given and earned.
In the beginning, I would take what @ahplanez said:
We have to trust people to some extent in order for us to interact with them in the first place.
This is the start. We trust that the person we are greeting at our place of work is not about to take out a gun and shoot us.
We trust that the other car coming in the opposite direction will stay in their lane, as we plan to stay in ours.
We trust that courtesy will be matched with courtesy.
In response to my prompt, @usfixerspet said:
in my opinion, trust is the act of believing in someone and believing that they will act or behave in the manner they have said or implied they would.
And the next step. Someone says something about who they are, about what they will do (either in direct contact, or in writing—a profile, a journal entry), and I take them on faith.
For example, in my work, I lead a lot of teams made of up of disparate individuals. What makes it work is trust that they will do their jobs, so others can get their parts done as well.
I often ask, “When can you get this done, and what do you need for it?” In the beginning, I double both, until I know how accurate they are of assessing their own skills from experience.
I trust them to make a good faith effort.
I think how much you trust another person can vary on what knowledge you have of someone because who you trust determines who may have power over you. You can trust different people to different degrees. For example, you may give a lot of trust to someone who is a medical doctor to the point that you may trust this person with your life without having much other knowledge of who they are.
Which adds to the equation. I will trust someone who presents as a developer on what to do with my code over someone who presents as a kindergarten teacher.
I wish I could be like you and just easily give it and then have it earned, but my past does not allow that sadly.
And my response is best summed up by what @NaturesChild wrote in their response:
Self Trust: No matter how many times trust has been proven, one is only capable of trusting as much as one trusts oneself. We can trust someone less (due to experience and perspective) but not more as doubt and insecurity will win every time.
It’s as much about trusting ourselves to make the right decisions when it comes to trust as it is about them being deserving of our trust.
It’s easy to doubt ourselves when we are blindsided by a betrayal or dishonesty we didn’t see coming. It’s up to us to pick ourselves up and look for all of the times we have been right, and start all over again.
For ourselves, as much as for other people.
Trust is a leap of faith, every time.
And _smash_ delved into the differences between faith and trust in her response piece.
@TeddybearSpanks touched on something that I find incredibly hot:
What is the point when one has enough evidence the other person is trustworthy? Maybe this is a kind of an edgeplay for me.
That’s part of what D/s is about for me. Part of why I’m exploring the ideas and concepts of trust right now. I’m looking deeply into what we do, and why we do it. What makes it so powerful a bond to me.
I read something the other day that rang true to me: you don’t know who you can trust until you do.
Which, after thinking about it, rings true to me as well.
Distrust breeds distrust. It is a deep cycle, and very hard to break free.
Trust breeds trust. Same cycle in a different direction.
Sure, I may be wrong sometimes. Of course. No one is infallible. But I give the trust to everyone that I can afford to lose, and enjoy the ride.
And the last part of trust as we’ve discussed it so far is from @BambiBlue, who said:
A small mistake can be forgiven and forgotten, a purposeful breach of trust though means a loss of a play partner, a friendship, the end of a marriage perhaps.
And this is the key, right? As I said, no one is infallible. Mistakes will happen.
We trust that someone will not break our trust intentionally, and if they break it by mistake, they will do their best to make amends.
Such a simple, innate thing. And yet, so much goes into it from every side.
Thank you all for participating with your thoughts, your writings, and your reading. I’ve enjoyed this.
I have another writing in me about trust. It’ll be coming soon.